A Christmas Surprise

Despite the fact that I would still be in my first trimester, Aaron and I decided to tell our families our happy news at Christmas, so we could have the opportunity to tell almost everyone in person. I had found out that the rate of miscarriage, particularly for first-time pregnancies, is much higher than I had expected - 15 to 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage for one reason or another, although many of those are within the first couple of weeks so the woman may not even have realized she was pregnant. However, I felt that my pregnancy so far had been fairly easy by comparison to stories I had heard at work or from relatives - I was only occasionally queasy rather than constantly ill, and it was usually directly proportional to how much food was in my belly, or worse, the lack of food. I had learned not to let my stomach become completely empty, and nibbled on crackers or Crispix or Kix cereal almost constantly, though I never actually ate until I was full; a full stomach was almost as bad as an empty one. I couldn't eat a lot though, and in the two weeks after finding out that I was pregnant, I had actually lost about 8 or 10 pounds, and never seemed to gain it back. My doctor wasn't bothered by that, though, since I wasn't a lightweight to begin with, plus I have always been able to keep my prenatal vitamin down.

In case anyone's curious, I've discovered the best way to handle keeping down a vitamin is: 1) Take the single gel-cap vitamin that included the required dose of DHA, rather than one hard vitamin tablet and a separate gel-cap of DHA - I found out the hard way that the hard vitamins make me feel very ill the next morning. The single gel-cap is huge, about an inch long, but I've never had trouble swallowing it. 2) Take the vitamin a short while after dinner, so there would still be a little food in my stomach; at any time, an empty stomach = queasy, but a vitamin + empty stomach = feeling on the verge of vomiting for a few hours. 3) Go to bed early; the vitamin tends to give me gas, and if I'm asleep, it won't bother me, and the bloated feeling is gone by morning.

Anyway - back to Christmas. The schedule would be as follows:

Christmas Eve
- Traditional Polish Dinner with my dad's side of the family, the Wienceks, at my parents' house
- Dinner with Aaron's mom's side of the family, the Shafors, at his grandparents' house

Christmas Day
- French toast breakfast at my parents' house again
- Visit at Aaron's mom's house from late morning to mid-afternoon
- Afternoon to early evening in Dana Point with my mom's side of the family, the Hoolihans
- Back to Aaron's mom's house for their traditional Christmas dinner

In the week leading up to Christmas, I had thought I was fairly calm and confident about revealing the fact that we were expecting a baby, especially since we would also be announcing the fact that we would be married in March. But when the day finally arrived, I found myself feeling more and more stressed and anxious, mostly because Aaron was stressed and anxious and unhappy for reasons of his own, and I'm not very good at keeping my emotional state steady and independent of his (particularly now that I am pregnant - damn hormones!). So by the time we arrived at my parents' house, my resolve was badly shaken and I wanted nothing more than to go back home and stay in bed and cry. Since I couldn't do that, I went in the bathroom and cried there instead. Feeling a little better after releasing a little tension, I started splashing water on my face and tried to calm myself, but then Aaron came in and found me and wanted to know what was wrong, and I started crying again. Once he figured out that I was upset about telling my family, he apologized for being upset all day and tried to make me feel better, suggesting different ways to phrase our news. Finally I suggested that maybe we should go find my dad and ask him what he thought, and when Dad came in, I started crying again as I tried to explain what I was feeling. At first he suggested that maybe Aaron or I, or both of us, would like to say Grace before dinner, but when Aaron and I both looked slightly panicked, he said maybe he could be the one to deliver the news instead, if I wanted him to. Almost immediately I felt relieved, and told him that I would like that. A nice solution, right? I thought it would provide a subtle show of parental support, which certainly couldn’t hurt. I started to feel better.

…Of course, this is my dad I’m talking about. Grace went something like this:

“Dear Lord, we thank You for this feast that You have provided for us, and we ask You to bless those who have prepared this feast; we also ask You to bless those who couldn’t be with us tonight, as well as those who aren’t staying...” (pause to glare at a couple family members planning on leaving early) “...and finally, we ask a special blessing on Aaron and Becky, and the new little Pollock that will be joining the family soon. Amen.”

I looked around the room, and saw that the last bit had gone over almost everybody’s heads... everyone was smiling but looking slightly confused. So I quickly stood up since it was still fairly quiet (and grabbed Aaron’s hand and dragged him up with me), muttered to Dad that that may have been a little to subtle, and announced: “I feel like I need to clarify real quick: We’ll be married in March...” (some soft ‘oh!’ sounds and smiles from those who didn’t know we were engaged yet) “....aaaannd, the baby is due in July.”  I heard gasps, louder oh’s and oh-my-goodnesses, and chuckles from some as I sank back down in my seat, hands cold and knees shaking. Generally, everyone seemed surprised but pleased, which was a relief. Mostly, though, I was just glad it was over. Aaron and I both got congratulated several times, and I finally felt able to relax by the time we left to go to Aaron’s grandparents’ house for his family’s Christmas Eve gathering.

I went into the most detail about that particular event, because it stands out most in my mind - I suppose because I was most anxious about telling the Wienceks, who are comparatively a little more conservative. Since they handled it so well, I felt much better prepared to tell Aaron’s family, as well as my mom’s family the next day.

In the car on the way to his grandparents’ house, I suggested that maybe Aaron would like to make the announcement to his family. He seemed totally at ease with that, so when we got to the house and greeted most everybody, he stood near the front door so that everyone in the kitchen, dining room and living room could see and hear him. I stood slightly behind him, holding his hand, and he got everyone’s attention by calling out that we had an announcement to make. Everyone paused and turned to look at us, and big smiles and knowing looks crossed the room - most everyone knew we were engaged, and assumed that was the gist of our announcement. Aaron started out with: “Some of you probably heard already, but I wanted to tell everyone that Becky and I are engaged.” There were some ‘aaaawwww’s, and a scattering of happy applause. Then Aaron spoke up again: “AANNND...” Some of the smiles turned to surprise, and there were several raised eyebrows; then Aaron’s Aunt Claudia in the living room said, “AND?! Uh-oh!” There were some chuckles, and Aaron laughed as well as he said: “Yeah, uh-oh.  ...aaannnd....” (he paused dramatically - the silence was deafening) “.....and the baby’s due in July.” There were some loud yells, almost screams from a couple female relatives, but most of them seemed delighted. Then there was a round of hugs for me, slaps on the back for Aaron, and congratulations from everyone that was both gratifying and heart-warming.

At my grandparents’ house the next day, we experienced much the same thing; all the grandkids had gathered on the round couch upstairs near the Christmas tree, and a couple of my aunts were organizing and preparing to hand out all the gifts. Aaron suggested that this might be a good time to break the news, since most everyone was gathered in one place. So I went out to the two outdoor decks and asked the adults there to please come in for a minute for an announcement, then Aaron and I stood in front of the fireplace, holding hands. I felt much more confident of a good reception this time, but my hands still shook and my chest felt tight as I called for everyone’s attention. I gripped Aaron’s hand harder and said, “Aaron and I have an announcement to make.” Everyone quieted down and stared expectantly, and Aunt Eileen pause on her way around the couch to the kitchen and said, “Alright, let’s have it.” So I said, “Aaron and I are officially engaged, and we’ll be married on March 3rd.” There were grins and some applause, but it didn’t get too loud right away, so after a slight pause, I said, “...and that’s not all.”  Aunt Eileen yells, “WHAT?!” So I smiled and said, “The baby is due in July.” Aunt Eileen yelled something inarticulate, and the room dissolved into chaos; some of my younger cousins apparently missed it, and were yelling, “What? WHAT?? What did she say?!” and other cousins were loudly repeating my news, while the adults loudly repeated it to themselves and each other. I noticed my dad grinning off to one side and not saying a word, while in the kitchen my aunts converged on my mother and demanded details.

All in all, it was a very Merry Christmas.