Tuesday
night, November 22nd, two days before Thanksgiving, I finally admitted
to Aaron that I had been feeling anxious and, I thought, queasy as a
result of the anxiety, for about two weeks... plus I'd missed a period. I was confident that I
wasn't pregnant for several reasons, not the least of which being that I
had been on the Pill until I ran out in the middle of October (that's a
whole other story I'm not going to get into), and changing prescriptions has caused me to miss periods before. I also had been told by
two different doctors that because of a couple conditions I have, it
would be extremely difficult for me to ever conceive. In fact, my new
doctor had told me that I should mentally prepare myself for the
worst-case scenario, in which I may never have children. Anyway,
confidence aside, the anxiety I was feeling was undeniable, mostly
because I have an overactive imagination and, possibly, because I was
unconsciously recognizing signs and symptoms that would indicate
otherwise. So at 11pm, Aaron and I drove to CVS to pick up some home
pregnancy tests. I took one as soon as we got back home.
A positive result would look like this: ( + ) ( ─ )
My test almost immediately looked like this: ( | ) ( ─ )
So
we sighed with relief -- Omigosh! We're not pregnant! Thank goodness!!
-- and I had the best night's sleep I'd had in two weeks. The next
morning, I got up a little before Aaron, and went into the bathroom,
where we had left the pregnancy test on the counter. I was looking at it
again, and just for the extra peace of mind, compared it to the box
again. …then looked again. …then held the test up to the box. That's
when I realized --
A negative test was supposed to look like this: ( ─ ) ( ─ )
……oops. Just to make sure, I took another test, and once again, almost immediately --
My test showed this: ( | ) ( ─ )
…and
I realized that the horizontal bar in that first window was very faint, but the important
one, the one that made the difference between positive and negative, was
that vertical bar, and it was dark. I was very pregnant.
So
I went and woke up Aaron, saying, "Honey, wake up, Aaron, hon, wake up -
I think we read that test wrong…" As soon as 'wrong' left my lips, his
eyes flew open wide and he stared at me for a few seconds, then seemed
to relax, throwing off the covers, and complaining that I had scared him
and why had I woken him up like that and calm down, he'll have a look.
He went into the bathroom, confident he was about to prove me wrong, and
did the same double-take from test-to-box-to-test-to-box that I had
done. His eyes got big again, and he looked at me, and we just stood
there for a few seconds, staring wide-eyed at each other. The flood of
emotion that followed is hard to describe - a strange mix of elation and
shock that I had done the supposedly near-impossible so easily, and
fear and wonder at how my life had just changed so dramatically, so
quickly, and pure awe, that I was growing a little person inside me, and
hearing Aaron whisper, "We're going to have a baby. We're going to have
a baby."
We
had to go to work, so we just hugged for a few minutes and I realized
that I was shaking, almost vibrating. But I didn't cry - I guess I was
too shocked still. When I had calmed down, we finished getting ready for
work, although I felt a little like I was floating, and a little like I
was drunk - I was very wobbly. I stumbled and almost fell down the
stairs from our apartment, and Aaron scolded me and I apologized, then
we both laughed a little hysterically. The rest of the day was a blur
that I have no recollection of.
The
next day, Wednesday November 23rd, I had off work from my main job at Green &
Hall, but I was filling in at my grandpa's law office, so I asked my
sister to come in for the afternoon because I had a doctor's
appointment. I didn't actually have an appointment, but I did go as a
walk-in, and told the receptionist that I suspected I was pregnant and
could they test to confirm, since I didn't completely trust the home
test I had taken. After 10 agonizing minutes, she called me up and told
me the test was a strong positive, no doubt about it, and made a note in
my folder that my upcoming annual GYN appointment on Dec. 6th, in two weeks, would now
double as my first OB appointment. Then she smiled and said
congratulations, and told me my estimated due date was July 21st, 2012. I smiled, tried to hold back the tears that suddenly
started welling up, and in a moment of confusion, said, "Okay. …umm,
what do I do now?" She looked startled, then brightened and said, "Oh,
this is your first pregnancy? Okay! Do you have prenatal vitamins?" I
told her I didn't, and she went and got me three different samples to
try, and a few informative pamphlets to get me started, and gave me a few bits of
advice about what not to eat and drink, etc. I thanked her and left, and almost
made it to the car before I couldn't hold it in anymore and started
sobbing. After I'd sat there a few minutes and calmed down a little, I
called Aaron who had been
anxiously waiting for me to tell him the test results. I told him we were pregnant, and
started crying again, feeling mostly overwhelmed and helpless at not
having a plan or any preparations in place, and at the same time realizing that I didn't have any idea what
sort of preparations to make anyway, which made it worse.
Fortunately,
Aaron's sister Kristen didn't live too far and agreed to have us over
to visit that evening. We decided to tell her first, because she has a
daughter who was almost two years old at the time, so we thought she
would be the best one to approach for help and advice until we decided
the time was right to tell our parents and the rest of our families. I
feel we definitely made the right choice because, once we convinced her
that we weren't joking (which actually took a few minutes - she was so
sure Aaron was trying to put on over on her), she not only had a few
books we could borrow to read, she also got on her laptop and started
looking up information on financial support for childcare, cheaper
apartments in case we decided to move, and recommended a couple websites
which provide informational daily emails on the progression of
pregnancy, www.babycenter.com and www.whattoexpect.com.
She even admitted that she was actually kind of excited that her
daughter Avery would have a cousin fairly close to her age, and who
would live nearby. We finally left, feeling somewhat better and slightly
more confident that this might be something that we could figure out
how to handle after all.
